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nelson mandela bay's family lifestyle
author:
theunis pienaar
irreligious faith
issue:
9, easter 2009
I met them through a friend - five men and a girl. They struck me as rather irreligious people who are more involved in life than religion. At first I could not make sense of why he wanted to tell me about them, but as their shared stories unfolded, his intentions became evident. All right, so I didn't actually meet them. I was introduced to them by my friend on the pages of a book he might call a chronicle. On these pages he recorded events he shared with other friends, not so much that he could remember them – more for my sake, so that I could know who he is and what kind of a friend he would be. Perhaps also so that I would understand what kind of friendship he values. The first is but a teenager. He lives as the last child of a father who has no wife left to help him raise his children and no love left for this son of his. He works in his father's business without recognition. There are three more young men. They are not quite teenagers anymore, but have not reached marriage and parenthood either. They are friends, they are handsome and they are well educated, gaining experience and knowledge as they live in a foreign country. Their futures seem to be in government administration. The girl – she's also young, perhaps in her early twenties. An orphan raised by her uncle. Others find nothing exceptional in her, but for her beauty. When we meet she is engrossed in a serious beauty regimen, attempting to win a beauty contest. The last one he introduces to me is older. He is married, has grown-up children and several thriving businesses. He loves his wife and is concerned about his children and their future. The six of them do not have much in common except for the loyalty they show at six different times in six very different situations, to a single person whose friendship they value. The first shows his loyalty by killing a man four times his size with nothing more than a pebble. The three well educated friends walk into a fire, unconcerned about the consequences to themselves or their bright future. The girl, in my opinion, achieves the most astounding result through her loyalty. She wins her beauty contest, marries a ruler and prevents genocide, unknowingly contributing to our mutual friend being enabled to let his son be born into our world. The last one's loyalty is a much more private matter. He shows his loyalty to our friend, first by having a family and growing several very successful businesses, then by enduring the sudden and unexpected death of his children, as well as the complete failure of all his businesses and his health, without once blaming our friend. Although the six of them are irreligiously entangled in life rather than in religion, they strike me as people of faith. They live and endure and succeed in loyalty to a God whom they believe to be intimately involved in every part of their existence. They see their daily activities – doing business, preparing for a beauty pageant, enduring hardship – as something that rises from and influences more than just their relationship with God. They see them as activities that affect the world beyond our physical reality. “They are people of faith”, my friend explains, “irreligious faith”. But I see them pray, fast and even kneel at an altar? “That they do”, he smiles. “I understand, some would describe those activities as religious or religion, but when my friends pray or fast or sacrifice, they're not being religious. They're just spending time with me. I appreciate that. After all, friendships can't grow if friends don't talk or share concerns and discuss their lives. Their prayer and fasting and sacrifice are nothing more than conversation. These are special moments I will always cherish, but even more special is when these friends do what they do, without me even asking them.” Suddenly his intention is clear. “In what you would call 'The Bible' and I might call 'a chronicle', I show you lives shared with me. I show you relationships. I show you people entangled in the dirt and grime and sweat of living. By the way, it's not really a chronicle, because time isn't chronological for me. In your perception David and Job lived a long time ago, but for me they lived, will live and are living right now, just as you lived then and will be living still.” He sees my confused frown and decides to limit himself a bit more, for my sake - keep our conversation to the one topic he's raising through showing me some of the friendships he's had or is having. “I'd like you to be irreligious. Don't be so concerned about activities your and other generations have elevated to acceptable importance. Enjoy life. Enjoy spending time with people. If singing is your thing, sing! If crowds do it for you, go for it! If you like courses and camps and associations, I like it too. But be real, man! It's much more important that you take your time putting your little boy and girls to bed, talking to them, showing them unconditional love. Spend time with Zuko – I don't know if I've told you this? I love that name you've given her. She is 'glory' - yours and mine. Talk to her, go horse-back riding with her, kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is. That, more than anything else, brings glory to my name - and it seems you enjoy it too. Run those businesses I've entrusted to you. Enjoy the fruit of your labour and enjoy sharing it. Make friends, make jokes, be creative, host a feast and when the 'giant' verbally abuses me, or the ruler entices you to deny my existence or the economy takes a dive or some evil guy plans the killing of thousands of people or you get sick or someone you love dies – do what your heart tells you to do. It'll be okay, because we are friends and we share life and I won't ever forsake you.” “Thank you”, I whisper. “I've been feeling guilty about my irreligious faith. I thought this is how it should be.” “Of course you did”, he says. “Can we get on with that game of monopoly, now? I enjoy it so much when your family play board games.”
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