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nelson mandela bay's family lifestyle
author:
sanett
finding new balance
issue:
6, winter 2008
Taking a look at the effects of the time we spend (or do not spend) with our children. “You know, I would be a very happy mommy if I could work seven days a week!” This is what I once overheard a young mother say to her 5 year old son in a dressing room. He was up to mischief and his frustrated full-time working mother clearly had limited time to do her personal shopping . Not too long ago in the typical family, only the father worked outside the home. The mother was the homemaker, who welcomed the children home after school and cooked supper while she helped them with their homework. This picture has changed dramatically. Many families find that they need two wage-earners in order to pay off the home loan, put petrol in the car, afford vacations (if they are fortunate!) or simply balance the family budget. Let's face it: two-working-parent families are no longer exceptional. Yes, there may be several positive results when both parents occupy jobs for eight or more hours per day, for example an increased income and therefore fewer financial stresses. Also, with wives out in the workplace fulltime, fathers may be forced to take a greater role in child-raising. Yet to everyone who believes that they can have it all: full-time careers and still have solid, happy families, I have sad news. The cracks are starting to show. Family life is suffering and something has got to give. This is not just my opinion. There is hard evidence to support this. A 2006 research study in Britain found that a typical working parent spends less than 20 minutes a day caring for children. This is only enough time to eat a quick breakfast together or to read a bed-time story. In addition, it was also indicated that the working parent spends a further 16 minutes per day with their children while they are busy doing something else at the same time, for example grocery shopping. All in all it adds up to the working parent spending less than 40 minutes a day with their children. However, a more recent survey, published in May 2008 in India, showed a decrease in the time that couples, if both parents are working, spend with their children. According to this study, working parents do not spend more than 30 minutes a day with their children. So with both parents working full-time, who is looking after the children? For a long time it was thought that day-care was the solution. (I hear that there are even 24 hour day-care centres available in Gauteng!) In the United States of America, The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development has conducted the most comprehensive study to date on the consequences of early child care placement. Their findings were alarming. This longitudinal study followed more than 1 100 mothers and children and 10 premier child-care centres across the USA over at least five years. They found that, children who stayed at the child-care sites for long hours, had a damaged relationship with their mothers. By the age of 5 years, these children were three times more likely to develop behavioural problems, to be involved in conflict, have discipline problems, to fight, to bully other children and to be generally uncooperative. This may be due to early interference in their bonding experience with their mothers. Another study by major research firms and universities in America, Canada and England bluntly stated that day-care damages babies' brain chemistry and negatively affects their social and emotional development. As part of the research, the presence of stress hormones were measured in young babies and they consistently found higher levels of cortisol in children who stayed in day care for long hours. The researchers concluded that physical and mental damage occurs when young children are out of their mother's care for extended periods. Even for older children, there can be negative consequences if both parents are working full-time. With little supervision from parents, these children turn to options like TV, computer games, DVD's and junk food, instead of outdoor activities. Furthermore, parents who work long or irregular hours are not available for their children after school, for example to help them with homework. These parents are also often unable to attend school functions or sport days. Some working parents frequently do not even have time to do things together as a family over weekends. Not surprisingly, most research studies also report that the surveyed parents came down hard on themselves and that they worry about spending too much time at work and too little at home. The latest research reveals a staggering 60% of women wishing for a part-time job, so that they could concentrate on their children along with their career. Most working fathers tended to feel that a “homemaker” mother was the ideal situation, but this idea was not so popular among working mothers. I realise that everyone has different psychological and financial needs and different career goals, but something has got to change! I'm not saying that mothers or parents should not be working and I realize that staying-at-home is not an option for many. Perhaps we should just take note of what research is emphasizing and look at finding innovative ways of balancing work and family.
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