home
subscribe
advertise
contact
nelson mandela bay's family lifestyle
author:
sanett
listen!
issue:
9, easter 2009
I often hear parents and teachers complain about today's children being unable to listen. I usually respond with the following question, “Can you speak Chinese?” So far the answer has always been a baffled, “No!” My follow-up question is usually a (fake) surprised, “But why not?” The answers to this question might vary, yet they all boil down to: “Because no-one has ever taught me”. This is precisely the point! I realize that there are many 21st century factors that impact on our children's listening skills. Many studies, for example, conclude that our children's attention span is reduced and their listening skills diminished due to activities such as television and electronic games. Such research explains that extensive exposure to television and electronic games may promote the development of brain systems that scan and shift attention at the expense of those systems that focus attention. What this simply means is that these devices deliver sound at greater speed and variety to your child than the sound of your nagging voice talking to them. Have you tried talking to a child that is watching TV or playing an electronic game? It is like talking to a brick wall! It's like they become mind slaves to a device that delivers visual and auditory stimuli at a rapid, hypnotic pace. I think you would agree that this is a problem and it goes beyond discipline issues. Schools also deserve part of the blame, I would say. High school teachers, who stand up in front of the class and talk to learners for excessive periods of time, encourage children to switch off and not listen. All of us can only listen for a certain period of time. I believe the listening to speaking ratio might be imbalanced in many classrooms. But I mostly get parents and teachers upset when I tell them that they should not complain when they are actually teaching their children NOT to listen! And why do they need to listen when you repeat yourself over and over and over and over…? (Ask any teacher how often instructions are repeated in class.) Teaching your child to listen, both at home and outside of home, is one of the great hallmarks of successful parenting. Listening is a pivotal life skill. It is the foundation for every relationship your child will create. It is a vital communication skill many adults sadly go through life without. So working with your child to help build their listening skills is a worthwhile investment, not only for the present, but also for the future. It is worth the time it takes to teach. What is the trick to getting children to listen? You have to listen to them first. It is a scary thought, but you show your children how to behave all the time with your every action. So develop your own listening skills and become an excellent role model – this will not only give your child an “unfair” advantage as he becomes an adult, it will also improve your relationship and allow it to be a sustainable relationship that will last long into his or her adult life. Here are some ideas to help you: Be honest: Children can see when you are not listening. Don't try to trick them into thinking you are listening. Give your undivided attention: Yes, take off Bluetooth, sit down and look your child in the eye. Do not interrupt: Why do we love it so much to interrupt someone who says something that we disagree with? We love it even more to go one step further by proving them wrong. Remember, you are the role model. By hearing what your child has to say, you are improving their listening skills by encouraging them not to interrupt Spend time together: Interact with your child and build your relationship. The more time you spend together, the more influential you will become in their lives. And the more you interact and talk with your child, the more your (hopefully) effective listening skills will rub off on them. Have patience: Understand that children take longer than adults to say what they want. You cannot expect your child to listen attentively to you when you cannot be patient yourself. Another way of getting your children to listen, is to speak to them respectfully in a pleasant tone of voice while you make eye contact. A helpful technique to calm a child when they are a bit wild is to gently touch them or to put your hand over their heart while you talk gently. This will help your child to understand that what you are saying is important. If you always speak to your child in a certain tone of voice, try speaking quietly in a more subdued voice or just vary your tone of voice. This is a very simple technique and it will cause your child to instinctively want to know what you are saying. “Take out the trash!” “Eat your carrots!” “Brush your teeth!” Occasionally it helps to add the “Why”. “You are part of a family and that means you have to do your share of the chores. You keep your mind and body strong by eating the right foods. Keeping your teeth clean will prevent cavities and will make your next trip to the dentist easier. You don't have to explain everything all the time, but once in a while it is good to remind them that you have reasons behind your requests. The older your children get, the more you will need them to listen. Think of topics like sex and drugs that you will need to discuss with your older children. These are not quick and one-time topics. You will have to capture your child's ear again and again to get important messages across. Listening naturally grows in a trusting relationship that is built over time. Start investing today and when you are old and they are “busy adults”, there might just be enough substance to you relationship to enable them to listen to you.
| articles
| homes
| life
| art
| sport
| well-being
| travel
| education
| food
| relationships
| money
| motoring
| fashion
| gardening
| horses
| books
| kids
| faith
| community
| NGO directory
